Helping an Alcoholic Parent

Living with an alcoholic parent is not easy. If that is your experience, you need to know you are not alone. Estimates suggest that as many as one in five UK children lives with a parent who drinks too much. All of you want to help your alcoholic parents, which is good. UKAT wants to come alongside and help you help them.

Alcohol Use and Abuse Among Parents

Alcohol use and abuse among parents is very real. The ways in which you can help depends on your age and circumstances, so please reach out to UKAT rather than attempting to handle this by yourself. Our experts can work with you to assist your parents.

When Mum or Dad Is an Alcoholic

A mum or dad suffering from alcoholism is not dealing with a behavioural problem. Alcoholism is classified as a chronic disease. As such, overcoming alcoholism is not easy, and it requires professional treatment – just as any other chronic disease does.

A key component to alcoholism is not being able to stop drinking. Your mum or dad, no matter how strong the desire to stop, needs help. In the meantime, we encourage you to not allow your parent’s drinking habits to control your life.

The Pain of Growing up with an Alcoholic Parent

The staff at UKAT know full well what you are going through. We understand the pain that comes with living with an alcoholic parent. You feel guilty and scared. You feel as though you need to keep the family secrets. And, of course, you feel like no one understands what you are going through.

We do. That is one of the main reasons UKAT treatment centres have a family focus. We treat alcoholism as a family problem, working both with alcoholics and their children. Our desire is to treat the whole family.

Impact of an Alcoholic Parent on Families

The impact alcoholic parents have on families is very real. Children of alcoholic parents are more likely to be socially isolated. They are more likely to experience abuse or neglect at the hands of their parents.

Alcoholic parents disrupt family life by taking stability away; they cause financial hardships as well. Most importantly, alcoholism disrupts and breaks relationships between parents and children.

How to Help an Alcoholic Parent

You can call UKAT and speak with one of our counsellors to learn about our treatment centres. Getting in touch with the National Association for Children of Alcoholics (NACOA) is also helpful.

Talking to a Parent with a Drinking Problem

You can talk to your mum or dad as a way of expressing how you are feeling. Talk about how you are concerned about their health and well-being. Above all, choose the time to talk very wisely. Make sure you are in a safe place and that your parent is not currently drinking.

Tools and Things You Can Do

There is no shortage of tools available to you as the child of an alcoholic. The previously mentioned NACOA is one of them. NACOA is a registered charity that exists to help children living with alcoholic parents.

Local alcohol support groups are another tool. Research the groups in your local area, then make contact and see about getting your parent involved. And, of course, do not forget to take care of yourself. If you are still in school, ask for help from the adults around you. If you are an adult, reach out to UKAT or a counsellor in your area.

Let Go of Guilt

More than anything else, do your best to let go of any guilt you are feeling. You did not cause your parent to abuse alcohol and there is nothing you can do to change it.

Ensure Your Safety and Create a Support System

As a minor child, your safety might be at stake. You can ensure your own well-being by staying at a distance. Speak to other adults or call the authorities if you ever feel you are in danger. If you have to leave the house and go to a neighbour, do it.

Creating a support system of friends and adults is another thing you can do. A support system gives you a place to turn when things at home get difficult and you are feeling vulnerable.

Organise and Communicate Your Feelings

You will find it helpful if you are able to organise and communicate your feelings. We have already addressed speaking to your alcoholic parent, but also consider confiding in your other parent as well if he or she doesn’t have a drinking issue. Organising and communicating your feelings will help you better manage them.

Educate Yourself

Educate yourself about alcoholism so you can better understand what mum or dad is going through. The more you know about alcohol and its effects on the mind and body, the more you will understand how desperately you parent needs help.

Set Boundaries

Boundaries are very important when dealing with alcoholics. They clearly communicate what you will and will not allow. If you are an adult child, you should fully understand the concept of setting boundaries. If you are still a minor, you may want to ask other adults for help in setting boundaries.

Remember to Practice Your Own Self-Care

Adult and minor children alike need to pay attention to their own self-care. Because no one can force the alcoholic to stop drinking, children affected by alcoholic parents have to focus their energies on taking care of themselves. This means eating right, getting plenty of sleep, and reaching out to others who can provide support and counselling.

Remain Patient and Persistent

Patience and persistence are necessary as you go through the process of assisting your parent. Remember, alcoholism is a chronic condition that cannot be quickly cured. There is no magic pill to fix things; it is going to take time.

Things to Avoid While Caring for the Alcoholic

Pay Attention to Actions Rather Than Words

Do not take what your alcoholic parent says at face value. Instead, pay attention to actions. An alcoholic who truly wants to get better will demonstrate as much.

Love the Alcoholic from a Distance

You love your parent despite the alcohol abuse; this is normal and natural. But until treatment is sought, it’s best for you to love mum or dad at a distance. Do not allow yourself to get close enough to be harmed.

Avoid the Soapbox

Finally, avoid the soapbox when speaking to your parent. In other words, do not be judgemental or accusatory. Speak with grace and compassion instead.

FAQ